Jake booked in for a series of sessions to initially overcome his frustrations around securing a stable relationship and his fears of being rejected.

He described how he had also been battling with feelings of unworthiness within his career, as a result of his work contract having been terminated.

Jake reflected that he was struggling with feelings of vulnerability in his current relationship. He stated that he felt it was only himself putting any effort in and that his needs were not being taken into consideration or held safely.

Jake openly expressed that although he constantly felt humiliated and not really ‘wanted’ by his partner, he struggled to stop himself becoming embroiled in the aphrodisiac and psychological game of ‘rejection’.

We explored aspects of Jake’s current functioning and he recalled having first experienced vulnerability within his family dynamics. He disclosed that he still sought approval from family members, as well as work colleagues, friends and his partner, to the detriment of his own emotional wellbeing.

This often resulted in Jake’s boundaries being blurred and him feeling let down and unsupported, despite the loyalty he felt he honoured all his relationships with.

Through a process of ‘float’ backs within ‘Life Story’ work, Jake realised most of his current core beliefs were a result of unresolved traumas from the past. Linking to the ‘disorganised attachments style’ he had experienced with his parents. His father, had abandoned him when he was young and his mother’s generational beliefs and values had ‘silenced’ his inner child’s voice.

Through a journey of reprocessing Jake’s negative core beliefs, he has since ended the ‘toxic’ relationship with his ex-partner and is once again enjoying life as a ‘single’ man, dating.

He has also started a new role as a full time nurse within the NHS. Jake feels he is able to put in place boundaries around himself, relationships and work colleagues without compromising his own ‘self-worth’.

This story beautifully exemplifies the power of EMDR therapy in the reprocessing of trauma material and the workings of the two hemispheres of the brain.

Andrew began working with me as he had started to ‘disassociate’ from his family life and relationships. He shared that he had also been struggling with an ‘addiction’ to cocaine.

Andrew reflected on feelings of not being in control of certain aspects of his life. He stated, that for years he had struggled with feelingsof unworthiness and was constantly drawn into situations with people in order to please them or make them ‘happy’. Andrew also confided, that he had travelled a lot and was unsure how he might manage to make a connection with his daughter now he had returned.

Through a process of ‘Life Story’ work’, Andrew identified that from a young age he had strived to appease his father who had been emotionally vulnerable and constantly needed Andrew to validate him in order to feel worthwhile as a ‘person and as a parent’.

Within ‘reprocessing’ Andrew identified that his negative core beliefs of ‘unworthiness’ and ‘powerlessness’ were rooted in the unresolved ‘parentification’ he experienced where he had been made to feel responsible for validating his parents’ emotions.
This had resulted in him feeling overly responsible in adulthood, for making other people happy and feeling guilt and shame when he did not succeed.

Over the years, Andrew had learned to ‘disassociate’ from his painful emotions through ‘cocaine’ use which had deluded him that he was in-control, when in reality, his conscious processing was completely the opposite!

Andrew has since concluded ‘addiction’ isn’t really about substance misuse, sex or gambling. Rather, it’s about the ‘absence from self’. He has since cultivated a loving relationship with his daughter and has been able to assert boundaries around his interactions with his parents.

Andrew has an attitude of gratitude towards his finances. He has also since gone on to start a ‘new wholesome relationship’ where he is able to make ‘choices’ for himself.

Peter initially presented as an overwhelmed, undervalued services manager. He was working extremely long hours (40-50hrs each week), but felt unappreciated by his direct manager who he struggled to have an authentic working relationship with.

As a result of this, Peter often felt disregarded and exposed, bullied and victimized. Private conversations with regards to his work were not being held in confidence but were being shared with others without his consent.

Despite being very good at his job, Peter felt stretched beyond his capacity. He wasn’t sleeping and couldn’t engage in his usual lifestyle activities of walking, running and attending the gym. Work had become all consuming.

Collectively, we used different stabilization techniques and ‘Life Story’ work to address Peter’s history. We explored previous incidents within his life where he had experienced earlier dynamics of being bullied and feeling powerless.

Peter ventured that in childhood he had been brought up within the strict boundaries of ‘Jehovah’. He had experienced his father as a disciplinarian who used ‘beatings’ to instil good behaviour.

Through a process of ‘reprocessing’, Peter was able to conquer his past and present fears of being bullied. He was able to manage his stress levels through ‘bilateral stimulation’ which improved sleep and then re-engage in the leisure activities he really enjoyed.

Through our work together, Peter realised he had been giving his power away to his direct manager. He became much more empowered when he emotionally took this back.

Peter’s hypervigilance about getting things wrong, being seen as a joke, not having his feelings and opinions validated, even the threat imposed on him of potentially losing his job and his lifestyle, no longer made him insecure.

Peter found that he was in control of his own thoughts and was capable of starting over. So much so, he handed in his notice and said no to the ‘threat’ of loss.

Peter has recently started his own Personal Training business. He feels more settled, lighter and more in alignment with his worth.

Alice booked in for a series of sessions to overcome anxiety and stress caused by an abusive relationship with a man she had been intimately involved with for five years.

Alice described how she had also been battling to control her alcohol and recreational cocaine use at weekends to cope with the volatile circumstances she was living in.

She reflected how once, she would drink a bottle of wine gradually over the course of the week but how recently, this had escalated to every night after work.

Alice recalled having always struggled to put safe boundaries around herself and that she often found herself drawn into ‘arguments’ with her partner.

Although her ability to succeed and meet targets in work was being maintained, she could not help feeling that she was not really living the life and having the relationship that she wanted.

Alice openly expressed feeling controlled and undermined about her looks and her weight. She reflected on periods of self-loathing; anger at herself for remaining in the relationship but conversely, the fear of being rejected.
We explored aspects of Alice’s current functioning. She stated, that she strives to people please through the ‘fear’ of not being accepted andputs herself in difficult and compromising situations.

Through a process of ‘float’ backs through ‘Life Story’ work, Alice realised that most of her current core beliefs were a result of unresolved traumas from the past. Linking to the ‘disorganised attachments style’ she had experienced with her father.

Through a journey of ‘reprocessing’ Alice’s negative core beliefs, she has since ended the ‘toxic’ relationship and stopped all recreational substance misuse. Alice is feeling more in control and aligned within herself to make safer and more wholesome decisions.

Alice has gone on to build a career for herself and is working towards her dream job role. She is also maintaining more positive, healthier and happier relationships.